FAQs

Sure, that old chestnut. ‘This dick can’t be for me?!’ Please let us know and we will ensure the ‘real’ recipient gets the dick and a refund.

Dick down, dick down! We’re sorry about that. We never leave a dick behind. Send us the wounded soldier and we’ll get a replacement out pronto.

Please get in touch as sometimes dicks go AWOL.

We have a strict, zero cock-blocking policy but sometimes things are outside of our control. We will endeavour to send you a dick by another means of dick-mail but we may be delayed and will highlight any delivery issues on our website.

We aim to ship all dicks for a 48-hour delivery but there are some areas where it may take a little longer. We're talking to you Belfast, large parts of Scotland, Isle of Man, Isle of Wight and the Channel Islands. We recommend ordering 72 hours in advance.

That’s just not on. Our dicks are for good, not bad. We moderate all the personalised messages to prevent stupid dicks getting through and we’re sorry this has happened. If you feel concerned, call the police and they will contact us directly to investigate the matter.

Personalised messages are limited to 100 characters or less and they need to be fun and light-hearted. Dick HQ will moderate any messages that we deem to be threatening or malicious.

Good god no. Snap-chat has that market covered.

Currently we’re only printing standard English text, aside from the occasional emoji.

They’re exactly the same but one’s brown and one’s white. Take your pick.

Our dicks sadly do not have their passport but watch this space.

If you must be a dick about things, or have a ‘serious complaint’, then email hello@shipadick.co.uk and one of the dick associates will be in touch.

As we all know, it isn’t the size that matters, it’s what you do with it. But if you really need to compare, our dicks are 37cm x 59cm but don’t let that put you off.

All our dicks are made with up to 75% recycled cardboard and are 100% recyclable.

It’s cardboard, made in Britain from a factory that generates 70% of its electricity from solar panels and where the heating is from a zero-carbon bio-mass system using sustainable fuel.

A cardboard dicks’ biggest enemy is water so that is why we send our dicks in a lightweight waterproof plastic wrapper. We are working on a solution to make this recyclable too!

They’re dead to us, throw them on the fire. Only joking, we love all dicks equally. Damaged ones, even more. That’s why they get to go to the special dick recycling centre in the sky. We never forget them. RIP Todger.

Safety first, as we always say. We don’t actually store your card details and we use a third-party company called Stripe to manage our payments. They’re top-tier security dicks with a Level 1 PCI-compliant payment service. They specialise in this type of security.

We accept Visa, Mastercard, Maestro, Apple Pay, Android Pay.

Sure, just log into the Ship a Dick website and next time you make a purchase, when you hit the checkout button, you’ll see your saved card detail. Click remove card, update the details, and save. Alternatively, you can do this in your payment settings in your Ship a Dick account.

Once processed, our payment provider submits refunds to your bank immediately. The bank will probably dick around for 5-10 days after that before it shows up in your account though. Standard.

Sure, just log into the Ship a Dick website and next time you make a purchase, when you hit the checkout button, you’ll see your saved card detail. Click remove card, update the details and save. Alternatively, you can do this in your payment settings in your Ship a Dick account.

Yes, to place an order you will need to be registered with Ship A Dick.

We'll keep you informed and Royal Mail will send a message too, so you know when your dick's been dispatched and when it arrives. That way you'll never miss out on some banter!

We don’t want you to ever miss an opportunity for a good dicking. That’s why our clever reminders help you save dates, as well as recipient’s name, gender, connection to you, and the occasion. You’ll never miss a nob gag again.

Sign in, go to ‘Account Settings’, hit ‘Delete’ and do one.

Join Our Mission

Subscribe for latest news, info and offers.